If your time to you
Is worth savin’
Then you better start swimmin’
Or you’ll sink like a stone
There are two kinds of people: Those who keep you grounded and those who weigh you down.
It’s good for you.
One of the most important lessons I have learned since dating Kemper is how to do all of the things I don’t want to do. The scary and uncomfortable. The things that give me anxiety. The things I want to put off until tomorrow. The conflict I don’t want to confront. The pieces of myself I don’t want to look at.
He has this mantra, that I am not sure he even knows about which is “________, it’ll be/it is good for you”
He says it to his friends, his mom, his brother, me, and even himself ALL OF THE TIME. Seriously, to a point of exhaustion. Sometimes I am all, “STFU Kemp, you don’t know what is good for everybody”.
The thing is, he doesn’t actually act like he knows what is good for each and every person close to him. He simply knows this secret that the rest of us choose not to be in on. The secret that doing all of the things you don’t want to or are scared to do - really are good for you. Good for the soul. Good for growth. Good for letting go. That anxiety, that fear, that avoidance - it is all an illusion. Doing these things, whatever they may be, help you grow and become the best you that you can be.
So, when I don’t want to get out of bed because I am too stressed to function and want to cry, I tell myself, “go to work today. work hard. give it your all. it will be good for you.” When I don’t want to confront the person I am hurt by or mad at, I tell myself, “confront it and confront it fearlessly. It will be good for you”.
When I don’t want to let go of anger or frustration (no matter how big or small), I take a deep breath and think “Let this go; it will be so good for you.”
When I hate being wrong and I am pissed and embarrassed, Kemper tells me (and vice versa.. because who likes being wrong?) “it’s good for you to be wrong. remind yourself there’s always more to learn”
It is one of the most impactful and lasting life lessons that anyone has ever taught me. If we go through life only doing what is easy and comfortable we never allow ourself to grow. If we aren’t growing, what the hell are we doing here on this Earth? What the hell are we doing with our lives? The more goodness you allow into your life the more goodness you can project back out - and who doesn’t want to put more goodness into the world?
Had an awesome interview yesterday with Avid4Adventure (a kids outdoor sports camp in Denver and Boulder) and I couldn’t be more pumped. I am not hired officially as they need to contact my references and conduct a 2nd interview but Kemper SWEARS I am a shoe-in (he worked for them last summer as a mountain bike instructor and is doing it again this summer, too).
Basically, I will be working with kids anywhere between the ages of 4 and 12 on skills like mountain biking, rock climbing, kayaking, canoeing, and hiking.
It is basically the dream job!!! Too bad it is only in summers or I would say sayonara to this high school teaching gig FOR GOOD.
Anyway, fingers crossed for me y’all!
But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest’—that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not’. Don’t you see?
….Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice.
..Confucius tells men how they should live to have good and successful lives. But this—this is a ladder to the climb to the stars.” Lee’s eye’s shone. “You can never lose that. It cuts the feet from under weakness and cowardliness and laziness.”
Adam said, “I don’t see how you could cook and raise the boys and take care of me and still do all this.”
“Neither do I,” said Lee. “But I take my two pipes in the afternoon, no more and no less, like the elders. And I feel that I am a man. And I feel that a man is a very important thing—maybe more important than a star. This is not theology. I have no bent toward gods. But I have a new love for that glittering instrument, the human soul. It is a lovely and unique thing in the universe. It is always attacked and never destroyed because ‘Thou mayest’. “
John Steinbeck - East of Eden (via rubyl0ve)
Happy 112th Birthday John Steinbeck! Reblogging myself and one of my favorite passages from one of the books that changed my life.
The purpose of literature is to turn blood into ink.
As someone who has been unbelievably lucky thus far in life and who has never really had to deal with death or intense loss, it is so frustratingly hard to figure out how to be there for someone who is struggling through life after losing their father. What do I say when he is feeling so lost and confused and weary on his path and the one person he needs advice from most isn’t around to give it?
"I know…" "I understand…" "you can talk to me…" - no, I don’t understand or know, actually. I feel so useless and I know that everyone says just being there can be enough but what do you do when all you want in the whole world are the right words to make that sort of pain go away? I know this is maybe narcissistic and I am making his loss about myself, but when you love someone so much all you want to do is everything you can to make them happy. I know there isn’t anything I can say or do. Happiness is an inside job. Figuring out life is something we all have to do on our own. He is alone in his pain and it breaks my heart.
So, for now, I guess I will keep holding his hand and supporting him the best way I know how.
We are all broken and we are all, at least in the most basic sense, alone in our brokenness. But, we are also all together in our loneliness and that is a pretty beautiful thing about the human experience. Even if it also really sucks.
Devon Paige Callihan is 2 weeks old and she is my perfect, beautiful, incredible baby niece. SHE HAS SOME OF MY DNA Y’ALL. I am infatuated with her. Even if all she does is eat, sleep, make cute faces, fart, poop, and cry. I mean, girlfriend is livin’ the lyfe.
I hate that the next time I will see her, she will be 6 months old. She will be chubby and crawling and making noises and eating real food. Living far away from family is hard work, but every time I visit I am reminded how much Colorado is my home now. I miss the mountains and the sunsets and the weather and the sunshine every minute when I am away from it.
It was amazing to visit my family and meet this little perfect nug, but it is so beautiful to be back home.
I miss you an insane amount and you have only been gone a week. Please come home. Come home safe and come home quick. This is the very worst.
So for reasons that Grace is too classy to complain about, she’s no longer going to be uploading to the Daily Grace YouTube channel. A channel that, it turns out, she never owned and, in fact, all of the content that she produced there over the last three years is also not…
Dang that is so unfair and ridiculous. Except Karma is a thing and Grace will most definitely bounce back and end up on top. MyDamnChannel should be kicking themselves.. in the butthole..for all eternity.
obligatory new year thoughts
In 2013, I…
- grew closer than ever with my parents
- became a substitute teacher for 4 whole months
- interviewed for and landed my very first official teaching position WITH A SALARY AND HEALTH INSURANCE AND STUFF
- finally moved on
- felt more confident than I ever have
- felt more terrified than I ever have
- said goodbye to the only family I have within a 4 state radius
- found out I am going to be an Aunt
- began the most challenging, exhausting, stressful, year of my career thus far
- rethought my career for the 250th time because, duh, over-thinker
- realized this job isn’t all I thought it would be
- became more mindful and serious about my yoga practice
- felt my heart break as I questioned some of my most important friendships
- joined a book club!
- summited a 14,000 foot mountain
- white-water rafted
- climbed rocks
- learned how to fly-fish and caught my first trout
- made a conscious decision to speak honestly as often as possible
- fell madly in love with the best surprise life ever handed me
okay. wow. looking back on this year, I originally thought it would stand out as one of the hardest. and although it has certainly been filled with high emotions and felt more like a rollercoaster than any year preceding it, I now realize that it 2013 was one of my favorite years to date. I have never tried so many new things and made so many ballsy decisions. I have never acted so confidently. I have never been so unafraid to speak my mind and follow my heart. I was strong and I was brave and I was rewarded.
2014, I have high expectations.